Let The Wedding Festivities Begin

by Stephanie Kelly

Today the wedding festivities kick off. I don’t quite know how to reconcile my feelings of grief and happiness. I know that if my brother were still here he’d be a calming presence in the weeks leading up to today. Then he would show up at my bridal shower very nonchalantly, hit on my single gf’s, and it would be hilariously embarrassing!

It seems like just yesterday it was Christmas and Cirilo and I asked Johnathan to marry us – we knew it would give him something to focus on, something to look forward to, but most importantly, we asked him because he knew us so well. He was supposed to marry us! Geez, how did everything turn out this way! I’m so sad but now the anger is finally starting to come in waves and we’re doing the best we can but I hate it nonetheless. Life isn’t normal. We’re constantly referring to our “new normal”. Ugh, it just doesn’t feel right. Even when he had his worst chemo day we never imagined we would be where we are now. I miss him more than I could ever put into words. Our lives have been shifted off its axis and we’re trying to find balance.

Last night Timmy (Tim Lincecum) from the San Francisco Giants threw a NO HITTER!! I felt like my big brother was just like that movie – an angel in the outfield. I was wrapping up yard work when I received the ESPN notification that he was closer so I had to turn it on and witness this rare event. It was a beautiful moment in Giants history – one that John would’ve been taking about for weeks!

Today I will do my best to get through the day without crying. Who am I kidding? If I cry, the let them be tears of joy. For I am so grateful for all of the amazing people in my life. As difficult as things may be, I am still blessed because I am surrounded by LOVE!

If nothing saves us from death, may love at least save us from life. – Pablo Neruda